For real love to arise, romantic love must die. Part two

As you may recall from the first part of this series, I was addressing some efforts men can and should be making when choosing to pair bond in the current climate of sexual politics. This generally involves three steps, or perhaps more accurately three giant leaps, that you can take to give yourself a better shot at not ending up with your ship or your shit on the rocks.

As a reminder, all of this is said assuming you have the good sense to not marry, and to not cohabitate in a way that leaves you vulnerable to being considered married by the local authorities. And if, by chance, that is still debatable in your mind, I have left some reference links[1] for you that you really need to explore. I won’t dwell on it. Horse, water…all that, but I do suggest the reference material first as you may be too dangerous to yourself to act responsibly on any of the material in this series.

Moving on, I talked about step one in part one, and that was your need to get the difference between love and romantic love. And more than to just get it — to let it permeate your conscious mind and act as a profound influence on every decision you make regarding women.

It’s important to be vigilant and continually cognizant of the fact that romantic chivalry, or gynocentric love, is woven into the DNA of your personality. Most every heterosexual man in this world is one good blowjob away from beta cuckitude. And yes, that includes many men who call themselves red pill.

The gynocentrism behind that sad reality is a soul withering, destructive force that lies always in wait, and it is unleashed from behind the wall of denial that comes with romantic love and infatuation. That’s the state of temporary insanity that will have you glad to do things that you would die before doing if you were in your right mind, like lay all your assets out for the taking while you whistle and look the other way. Or burning a longstanding friendship with a male friend because a female you’ve known for a month doesn’t like him.

So, it is hard to overstress how important it is challenge yourself on what is driving your behavior with women, and whether your fairytale image of women and love are at the core.

Step Two: Screening

It is just as hard to overstress the importance of step two. When meeting women, you have three basic objectives. You need to screen. You need to screen and you need to screen. Mainly with the understanding that most of the screening will be screening out.

This is not just a test of how well you have worked with step one, but it is a clear measurement of how much red pill thinking you have absorbed in a meaningful way. As I keep stressing, what you think and what you believe (which is what drives your behavior) can be radically different. You’ll likely never intellectualize yourself into meaningful action.

It all boils down to whether your true beliefs leave you focused on attracting a woman (that alone being your measure of success) or if you are more focused on preventing the wrong women from getting anywhere near you. In my world, blue pill, gynocentric men worry about getting laid. Red pill men worry about getting laid without getting bent over.

You cannot possibly imagine two more different kinds of men, but there is a very thin line between them. Or, as I said, sometimes they are only separated by a good suck.

So, what do I mean exactly by screening? I mean, in no uncertain terms, your willingness to send packing any non-hackers who don’t meet your non-gynocentric expectations. Gold diggers. Out. Feminists. Out. Princesses. Out. Single mothers. Out. Borderlines. Out. Wannabe housewives. Out. Those who insist on marriage. Out. Those who can’t find their purse at dinner. O-U-fucking-T. Add anything else you want to your personalized list of instant disqualifiers.

It is important for you to take this very, very personally. The biggest mistake I ever see men make with women is settling. And I suppose it is understandable in a way. The pickins are already slim and I just rattled off a short list that would rid you of 90% of the ones available. We are not having a rosy, feel good conversation.

And I never said this was a series of talks on how to attract women. I assume that if you are a regular reader here, you’re less interested in attracting a woman than surviving one with your money, your mind and your heart intact.

And this is where one thing comes into play that deserves to be written in lipstick on your bathroom mirror. This shit is on you, not on women. Feminists, and sad to say women in general these days rely almost exclusively on a victim narrative. The haggard, repetitive mantra of women in relationships is that “it’s not my fault,” especially when it is. It’s gotten so bad that a lack of personal accountability in women is now considered good breeding.

You are welcome to follow in that mold if you want to, or any other line of thinking suited for three-year-old’s. If you do, though, you might as well quit reading now. You’re screwed by your own hand.

Everything is on you and for good reason. None of the things about women I mentioned, the gold diggers, the feminists, the slackers, the welfare queens, the cloying stench of the children of privilege, are hidden from you. With very, very few exceptions, there is nothing about any woman you have ever known that you could not have spotted in short order if you were thinking from the neck up. Or in other words, if your mind wasn’t clouded by gynocentric infatuation. And if you weren’t making excuses, swimming in denial, or chirping out some ignorant bullshit like, “Love is unconditional, I’ll take her crumbs and all,” even if the crumbs are constantly putting you down and putting the smackdown on your wallet.

If the crumbs you don’t mind taking include her making you miserable every time she doesn’t get her way, then the only thing I can suggest is that the next time you see a red pill, actually take the sum-bitch.

If you think I am being hard on the men here, you’re right. I don’t think it is me, though. That’s just the challenge that comes with rooting out and breaking ties with our gynocentric programming. It demands brutal personal accountability, and unrelenting critical self-assessment. It’s something feminists never dared to suggest for women as the path to empowerment, and wisely so because women have been socialized to interpret the demand for personal accountability as an act of abuse.

The point here is that in severing the umbilical cord that leaves you dependent on women’s approval is a massive shift in consciousness and ultimately self-perception. You move from being a scavenger for anything remotely female, including the garbage specimens, to being a discriminating selector of what women you will even allow to pass through your door.

That difference in personage also indicates whether you are ingesting real red pills or whether you have the high-fiber kind that pass through your system completely without being absorbed. Ingested, but not digested.

Just look at whatever woman you are with, or are interested in being with, and ask yourself if she has any potential for playing a role in a red pill framework for a relationship.

Can she take the word no without acting like a child? Have you tested that by telling her no and carefully gaging her reaction? What would she say if you told her you subscribe to red pill philosophy, that you welcome a robust, healthy relationship with a woman but you won’t finance it, or maintain it with servitude. Can she see that attitude in you, through your words and actions? Have you told her that you will always maintain your friendships and interests regardless of whether you are in a relationship? Did you pay close attention to her words and her body language in response?

There are countless other ways that you can probe and test and assess a woman at any stage of a relationship, all structured according to your personal values and standards. The only test for you is whether you are honestly testing her, and whether you are willing to endure the discomfort of letting women go who fail.

Guys, women cannot hide the answers to these questions, or beat the testing. Their beliefs and their attitudes are written into every word they say. Women are blinded to their own selfish nature (just as men are), by socialization and by constant male enabling. The bad apples don’t stand a chance in hell of escaping detection because they are not aware enough of their own behavior. To them, all the red flags you are looking for are totally normal. You can literally meet them, test them, have them fail and rid yourself of them without them even knowing what happened.

Keep in mind here that I am not suggesting you are looking for the woman who passes all the tests. None of them will, because if your tests are thorough, no woman can pass them all. The big question here is whether a woman can score close enough to indicate she is possibly trainable.

I don’t think it helps to try to ascertain precisely what personality characteristics lend a woman to being trainable. I am not sure that is even knowable. I just know that some women, with proper training applied, can come to realize the wisdom of a more wholesome, non-gynocentric attachment. And even some that can’t fully wise up, can be made compliant enough to be tolerable to some men.

For men that are persistent and values-based, this can open the opportunity to explore pair bonding with a woman who can handle their end of the bargain without shamming her way out of it using female privilege. I can be a rewarding place to be, when friendship, parity and mutual benefit are allowed to rise above the lopsided, ignobly unfair mandates of gynocentric love.

I’d like to stress that all this testing is not about beating her over the head with questions and making her walk on coals to prove her worth. After all, men of all people should know the shitty proposition that is.

Testing is quite subtle, and much more along the lines of studious observation than constant engagement. The conflict that results from the tests not going well are supposed to happen inside your own mind, where you struggle with your own gynocentrism to make good decisions. It is not a conflict that should occur between you and the woman. She is just being who she is. If you are in conflict with her about that, it is likely because you are trying to change the writing she put on the wall. This is where, once again, your personal accountability comes directly into play.

If she gives you a dead fail demonstration, like cutting you off in the bedroom because you didn’t want to take her to a chick flick, and you react with more testing, then you are doing it to yourself. Period. Fini. End of story.

If you find yourself on the hamster wheel of constantly trying to figure out why she keeps doing all this harmful stuff, scratching your head and then going back in for more, you are the problem. Cut that shit off and move on, man, and quit whining about the shitty woman you are involved with. Once that sinks in; once you establish that she is an emotional, financial or psychological train wreck, then let it go off the rails. Dust yourself off and get on with your life.

I noticed in a comment recently by a man who said he was in a 13-year relationship with a borderline woman, with the last 10 years knowing she was a personality disordered. He complained that he was miserable and that she was a terrible person.

I quickly moved on to other comments without responding. After all, if he won’t invest 5 minutes of his time in a mirror, there is little I could say to help him. All I can say is, better him than me.

As I said in part one, the three steps I am outlining in this series are incredibly difficult and painful. No matter how hard you try to work on them, they will do no good if you can’t see yourself and see her in the clearest possible terms, and if you are not ready and willing to act on what you see deliberately, even when it is painful.

And of course, even if you see clearly, act deliberately and steadfastly allow yourself to be guided by your values, you have no guarantees for success. We are talking about human beings: too complicated to be sorted out by a single set of actions. The point here is just improving the odds for red pill men who want to roll the dice on pair bonding. That alone is a very rough path. And be aware, your psychological acumen and interpersonal intelligence will have a major impact on outcomes. It’s not exactly territory that is friendly to slow thinkers. Not trying to be cruel, just honest.

Next up, the final installment of this series.



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32 thoughts on “For real love to arise, romantic love must die. Part two”

  1. While not wishing to distract from Paul’s incredible articles written with clarity and wisdom so many of us anticipate, I do wish to focus on a small passage that he included as part of his advice on how men should value themselves.

    “Or burning a longstanding friendship with a male friend because a female you’ve known for a month doesn’t like him.”

    Gawd! How many times have I seen this happen? Talking about completely under the bus? Jeez! I mean, he already spends most all his time with her, does what she wants, let’s her get by with things he never would otherwise. But since she never learned how to share, or think passed herself, she envies a few hours a week (or less) that he wants to spend with his best friend. And he caves.

    Men, if you are fortunate enough to gain a true male friend that will stick with you in thick or thin, trust you (and v/v), who has got your back when no one else will, consider yourself one of the luckiest men alive. Instead of men elbowing each other, competing over relatively trivial nonsense in the great scheme of things, and worrying about what others think since the two of you aren’t spending all of your awake hours securing yourselves women that requires you to settle when you do know better, men need to focus on genuine friendship with one another. Unless both of you are into such a thing, the two of you can have it all together, except the sex. Sex with women, romancing them,

    1. The irony of life is that for most of the guys that cave in and stop hanging out with his friends, IF he instead had kept his balls, and hung out with the bros she might, usually though not always, probably would’ve been more interested in the guy. Why? Cause he’s got more important shit to do than hang out with her boring ass lol

      Ahhhhh life, how you fool us in so many ways lol

      1. Actually, some women do admire certain men for how much others admire them too. Now if we can get more women to do this…as long as the reason for women’s interest isn’t based on gynocentric bias in the menfolk, then bingo!

        1. You’re talking about “social proof” and it’s true. We women respect men who are respected by others. Dominance is a turn on and if other women want you, then a women assumes you’re safe and have something to offer.

          So definitely keep hanging with your mates and keep having your interests. Any relationship that doesn’t allow you to do that is limiting you.

          Having said that, my neighbour’s only interest is going to strip joints. Yeah that makes him look pathetic to his wife and to his mates who have fun interests outside of sex.

          1. I learned this lesson in 8th grade when a young girl named Beth spent some time from out of state visiting a friend who was her cousin. Beth was a wonderful young girl who took a liking to this awkward and socially inept young boy, that boy was me. I did not realize the implications at the time, but the other girl’s suddenly took an interest in me. Having changed schools no less than 13 times, 5 high schools in three states I experienced this dynamic a number of times. It took a while but I learned those girls who initially liked me were the ones to appreciate and those who followed were to be avoided. I share this as a cautionary tale, not for your edification but for those men reading this who would find themselves on the receiving end of those undeserving and exploitative.

    2. Yep, and speaking of her friends, now here in Oz, you can be done for DV for criticizing her friends or making them feel unwelcome in your home. Even if they are complete bitches to you…….you better be nice to them. Just about all of Paul’s other advice is also DV if done by a man…..ignoring her… her the silent treatment……etc…’s all DV. So might as well just accept the fact that unless you want to be either a doormat….or a DV perp…….you just better not marry or let a woman live under the same roof with you.

      1. Stu what laws are you talking about in Australia? There are no laws for Domestic Violence caused by kicking out bitches from your home or calling the police if they don’t leave.

        Also in Australia, generally speaking you get 50% of your assets if you take the kids 50:50 unless you’re a loser beta who didn’t contribute to the relationship or the empire. You have it so easy compared to the American men I feel sorry for.

        1. You’re are either ignorant, or a liar. A woman here in Oz no longer needs any reason at all to have a restraining order issued against her partner. And she can do it while he is at work, or otherwise not there, without his knowledge…..and she doesn’t even have to make a specific accusation in some states……all she has to do it say…….she fears he may do something. Gonna say I’m wrong now aren’t you? I’ll tell that to the two men I know who have had exactly this happen to them. And……there are specific mentions in the DV laws which state that making your partners friends feel unwelcome in the home IS an act of DV. Oh…..50:50 kids……like as if a man just gets to decide that. It’s not true anyway. I got sole 100% custody of my Son from my first massive mistake with a woman……..never got jack shit that all the women get. Second massive mistake with second woman…….still had my son and was still a minor when we split up….and got my house sold out from under me by a women who never even had a kid with me

          You’re one of these women who come along to a men’s rights site or forum and tell all the guys that they are imagining all the anti male bias against them. And normally don’t bother responding to you at all, and I wont bother again. But I will educate men about the truth…….and you…….can say whatever you want…..and I for one….and hopefully every other man too….will ignore you. Doesn’t matter either way to me though. Any idiot who listens to a woman on family law matters deserves what he gets.

          And don’t shit me……you don’t feel sorry for any men getting fucked over in any country.

          1. I work for the Sisters of Charity at Liverpool Court. I’m the only young woman there, the rest are older or nuns. How about you stop bullshitting yourself and come and see for yourself who I am. I’m going to guess that you wont drop in because you don’t really live in Australia because we dont say Oz, we say Australia. Flake!

            There are no such thing as what you describe in our laws with the exception of a Violence Order where a gender fears another gender and I have seen the results of that. Domestic and Apprehended. 70% of women who I see need that law to stay and about 30% of men need that law to stay too. How about you start acknowledging that men are victims of domestic violence and need the laws to stay to protect them and how about you protect your own gender rather than leaving it to women like me to protect your own men. Where are you fighting for equality of men? At home, being a keyboard warrior, making zero waves, when you should be at court supporting them like I do.

            Let me reiterate a point you stupid men can’t seem to understand: Not all men are huge angry neanderthals, sometimes they get involved with aggressive females and get hit and the law is for them too. You have no idea how useful that law is to the men who I see because you’re too stuck on websites spewing out hate. Do something loving towards your own gender you useless male!

            You cannot lose your house to someone you don’t have a family with. You can, however, lose part of your home under DeFacto/Marriage Laws to a woman who looked after you like the big baby you must have been. For a judge to rule in her favour (or his favour), your second lover, had the job and paid your mortgage, possibly had evidence of paying bills, groceries and insurance while you played computer games and got on misogynistic websites crying about how women are fighting for equality. Judges aren’t stupid, they go through everything. If you had no children, nobody played the carer role which points to one big lazy ass man-baby, you!! That’s how she got the house underneath you, by being a responsible adult who raised you. Fucking useless baby!

            You have no idea what the men in America deal with. I’m wasted here because over there they get blasted. Those men who are truly suffering deserve fairer laws. You’ve got it so easy and try to be a big boy among the genuinely down trodden. Sounds like you want sympathy from other men but they deserve your sympathy because you have it so good. Get behind them, campaign for them and support them. Stop whining about your male entitlement ass here in Australia where you get it so good. Go read their laws and you’ll see why they are so pissed off. You’ll realize you are apathetic excuse for a man after that.

          2. You’re full of shit. I’ve been around here for years…..everybody whos been aruond here knows who I am, and where I live. Ask Paul where I live. And as for you saying what I have I ever done…….to help…….decades of hard work…..and tens of thousands of dollars of my own money. Everything else you have said about me is total BS also.

  2. Let’s step back…human females “get it” as captured in a Tina Turner lyric, “What’s love got to do with it?”. The human animal, both male and female, engage in a primitive mating dance that is instinctual and genetic. All animals do. Reptiles. Mammals. Watch snakes dance and copulate. Watch bulls, stallions… what is proposed here is that we humans are capable of changing something inherent to the human animal by using our cognitive capacities. I doubt that even being “Red Pill” awake and aware is enough. The feminist, cultural Marxist camp is accused of socially engineering the relations between men and women. I won’t give them that much credit. They just take advantage of the human males instinct to give females what they want so that we can mate with them. Go MGTOW.

    1. Interesting comment.

      I too say what I believe: that men can overcome any biological hardwiring that predisposes them to what can be described these days as more than species’ ritual dancing but actually making complete fools of themselves. Our human capacities surely can overcome this pressure as payment for the mating.

      Changing the narrative is a great start, including within this realm, getting men to see, believe, and teach alternative ways that manhood can be acheived and not just through and by women and their admiration.

      What you described is being a typical male, not the same as manhood, IMO. When we teach men and boys that manhood is not interchangeable with male, along with actual manhood requiring unpopular honesty with women, perhaps the pressure to cave in to feminism in what seems to be a gynocentric vacuum will go away?

      If we don’t believe that our species’ males are not stuck with the “hardwiring” without choice, then do we think we can win this thing at all? It can’t be that we are merely complaining. I complain too. But that is not the only reason I speak this stuff.

      So, perhaps the answer lies in our side doing some social engineering of our own. At least it wouldn’t be gynocentric, but returning the scales to relatively even position.

      Can’t do this all by myself, which is one reason why I share it here.

      That said, I do believe the feminist Marxists have set out to and widely achieved a goal to socially engineer, condition boys and men to be their vehicles for supremacy, and largely by exploiting men’s love of women and what they are (foolishly) willing to do for female admiration and preference.

      Shouldn’t we fight fire with fire? Or, we can lose.

      Finally, going MGTOW is commendable (so long as one is certain the motive genuinely isn’t hatred and that they don’t wind up living like self-exiled hermits) but will there be enough men doing this to have sufficient impact?

      Change men, change the world. Short of violence, I don’t care how we do it. But do it, we must.

  3. “Those who can’t find their purse at dinner. O-U-fucking-T”. HA!!!! Love it!

    When a single woman goes out for the evening she alone pays for her food/entertainment, whatever that ends up being.

    When she goes out with her girlfriends they split the bill or pay their own way.

    When she goes out with workmates every one pays their own way.

    When she goes out with her parents they pay.

    When she goes out with her sister they split the bill or pay their own.

    BUT~ when she goes out with a male all of a sudden HE is required to pay!?!?!?


    Tell me please, what is the female version of chivalry?

  4. I recognize that I am being a ” fly in the ointment”. But we are talking about a human concept, a word-“love”, and then attempting to differentiate it from “romantic love”. We can wax philosophical all day long about this. I say, let’s just be scientific about this. And by that I don’t mean “soft” sciences, such as psychology, sociology, anthropology etc, etc. But more biologiy in orientation. And let’s just consider humans as just another animal on the planet. And let’s operationally define “love” or “romantic love” as a human animal instinct, grounded in human genes, for the purpose of human procreation and survival of the human species. My point is that “Red Pill” awakening and awareness is not and will not be powerful enough to change human male and female instinctual behavior…Heck, I remember when I was five years old, reading those Little Golden Books for children that my parents bought for me, and being attracted to the cartoon-like pictures of female characters with exaggerated, neotanical features. I find it very hard to believe that, at five years of age, I learned/was taught this attraction.

    1. So you don’t think this tendacy in men can be changed?

      “What is proposed here is that we humans are capable of changing something inherent to the human animal by using our cognitive capacities.”

      What did you mean by that? If you do not believe human males can overcome this bio-underpinning, why are you here? What can we do? Do you think MGTOW will be what puts things over the threshold?

      1. I don’t think the nature can be eliminated, but you can choose to behave differently then your nature dictates. The whole of human civilization is an example of that. We are naturally wary of heights for example…..yet we fly, and even go out into space. We are naturally inclined to seek out sweet high cal food, but we limit our intake for the sake of health and appearance……well…..feminist land whales don’t. We do lots of things that go against our nature because we consciously know that they are beneficial. So we can change other behaviors via concious effort once it is understood that it is beneficial to do so. At least a person who is not a mental emotional weakling can.

    2. “But more biologiy in orientation. And let’s just consider humans as just another animal on the planet.”

      I was thinking the same thing…a lot of the attraction process is unconscious and involves chemical reactions in your brain…however, with awareness and education (e.g by frequenting male advocacy sites like AVfM) you can train yourself to short circuit these ‘automatic’ reactions by associating certain beliefs and behaviors of women with very very bad outcomes for yourself (especially considered the current legal and cultural environment). This can pause the unconscious process of pair bonding long enough for your rational mind to take over and make better decisions for your long term well-being. imo. Then all of a sudden that ‘gorgeous’ woman you run into on the elevator who takes your breath away goes from goddess to ‘meh’ in under six seconds.

      1. “Then all of a sudden that ‘gorgeous’ woman you run into on the elevator who literally takes your breath away goes from goddess to ‘meh’ in under six seconds.”
        * applause *

  5. Really really good articles Paul , as one who vacillates from Red Pill to purple these straightforward steps really are the key. How many “red flags” are we going to ignore in pursuit of something that doesn’t even really exist (romantic love)?

    1. Women’s sexual power is the strongest force on earth, way stronger than nuclear bombs or the deadliest military force; because male sex drive is so ridiculously strong.

  6. “Most every heterosexual man in this world is one good blowjob away from beta cuckitude. And yes, that includes many men who call themselves red pill.”
    Aaaaand that, is the problem. THE problem.

  7. “Can she take the word no without acting like a child?”
    Weeell, you eliminated 99% of women right there already.

  8. Orion_TheHunter

    “….and wisely so because women have been socialized to interpret the demand for personal accountability as an act of abuse” 100% Truth. This completely relates to a previous point made about humor and making fun of men. Feminists, and their white knights, see women as completely free of any responsibility and completely free to make fun of (shame) whatever they don’t like.

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